Parents across the country are under a lot of stress these days, so much so that the U.S. surgeon general has issued an advisory calling it a significant health issue.

Local medical providers say we need to take this issue seriously because the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of children.

“We know that if a parent is worried about finances, worried about keeping their home, worried about their job, worried about their adult relationships,” says Dr. Pilar Bradshaw, “anything that’s causing stress to the parent, that’s going to trickle down very directly onto the kids.”

A recent study by the American Psychological Association (APA) revealed that 48 percent of parents with children under the age of 18 say most days their stress is completely overwhelming, compared with 26 percent of other adults.

“Culture of comparison”
Dr. Pallav Pareek is a child and adolescent psychiatrist with PeaceHealth and a father of three. “Parenting is the toughest job, the most joyful but still stressful, busy job that you could ever have,” he says.

Dr. Pareek says the daily stressors of parenting are often compounded when parents feel isolated—and it can be made worse by the “culture of comparison” many parents experience through social media.

“We are living two kinds of lives,” he says. “One is the Facebook life we live where we are all good parents, we’re doing all the right things.” We also look at those parents, which are all of us, and think, “Everyone can do this just exactly right; how come I’m failing?”

The reality, Dr. Pareek says, is that most people aren’t sharing the hard parts about parenting on social media, so you’re not seeing the types of experiences that all parents go through. He encourages parents who are feeling stressed or overwhelmed to unplug from electronic devices and make a conscious effort to connect with fellow parents—these could be friends, co-workers or extended family.

“Unplug from devices more often so you are not exposed to all those posts that make you feel inadequate as a parent and aim for more physical connections with people who can support you,” he says.

Surgeon General’s advisory
The advisory, issued by Dr. Vivek Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General, says parents and caregivers experience a multitude of unique stressors from raising children—from financial strain to technology and cultural pressures to concerns about children’s health and safety.

These stresses can lead to mental health conditions, which disproportionately affect some parents and caregivers. The advisory urges more support for parents through policy changes, community programs and individual actions. Employers, for example, can expand policies and programs to offer more support. Families and friends can reach out and offer help with everyday tasks.

The advisory also suggests some steps parents can follow:

  • Remember, caring for yourself is a key part of how you care for your family.
  • Nurture connections with other parents and caregivers.
  • Explore opportunities to secure comprehensive insurance coverage for yourself and your family.
  • Empower yourself with information about mental health care.
  • Recognize how mental health challenges manifest and seek help when needed.

Importance of self-care
Dr. Pareek also encourages parents to take breaks and make time for self-care. “When we take breaks, I tell people it’s like charging a mobile phone,” he says. “Unless it has enough juice, it’s not going to do the job it’s supposed to do. If you give yourself permission to do some self-care for yourself, you’ll be a much better parent in that case.”

Longer breaks may not always be realistic, but the American Psychological Association suggests even tiny breaks can help—for example, seeking solitude in the bathroom for 5 minutes to take deep breaths or sitting in your car to listen to a guided meditation after grocery shopping.

Dr. Bradshaw echoes the advice about being sure to take care of yourself.

“I always tell parents, we have a bucket of energy and all-day long people and activities are dipping energy out of our bucket and emptying our bucket,” she says. “We as parents have to—for our own sake and for our kids’ sake—take the time and give ourselves the grace to be able to fill our bucket back up with positive energy, either by taking breaks or doing something that makes us feel happy, so that we have what we need to be able to be good parents.”

Stress management tips
Learning to manage stress can help you be the parent you want to be. Here are a few tips on managing stress for parents:

  • Try not to bring stress home. Imagine putting your problems in a box to compartmentalize them. This can help redirect your energy to your home life and children.
  • Seek opportunities for fun. Coach or cheer for your child’s team. Read to your kids, then discuss the book.
  • Remember to relax and recharge. Do yoga, read, watch television—whatever relaxes you. And get a good night’s sleep.
  • Ask for backup when you need it. Talk to your spouse or partner, extended family and trusted friends.